i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize