i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
