Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
