i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
