I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
