when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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