There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
