Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
