wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
