i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You were trust falling into bushes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
