Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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