I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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