Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
