I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
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