Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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