Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My ATM looks so different sober.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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