Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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