Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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