This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
