If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
