i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
