I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
