I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
