I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
