I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
