She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
