he shaved USA in his pubs
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
