Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
