I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
