im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
