Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
