I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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