I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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