Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
