my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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