The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
