whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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