i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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