this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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