And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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