Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
