yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
