im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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