I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
