I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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