...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
