Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
