Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
