I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
