Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
