Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
