I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize