the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
