I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
