my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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