Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
