He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
