I got chris browned last night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
