its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
