On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
