I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need a beard to bite.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
