When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
