i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
