No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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