I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
