i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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