wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
