i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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