My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
