there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
