so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
